I'm still looking for a job.

Last week I put in my application with Lake Station schools for subbing. I guess if the mother does not return her children today at least I have that to fall back on, as it pays $50 per day, and Eluides is under the assumption that I will probably be able to work almost every day within the school corp. . . which depresses the hell out of me! Not that I would be working, but rather that I would be subbing! I went to school from 93 - 00 to become a teacher, get the degree and cannot pass the stupid state test to obtain my license! I mean, seriously, how pathetic is that? I took the test five times. The first time I obtained a 149. One must have a 153 to pass. The next FOUR times I get a 151! Yes, folks, two peasly points away -- and FOUR times! It was hard at first when people would say "Why not just get a teaching job? That is what you want to school for, right?" I would hmmm-hawl around and avoid telling them that I was a failure when it comes to bubble tests! Now, I just state, "I do not have a license." It's much easier than saying "Yes World! I, Stacey Lynn Modricker-Pagan, am a failure!"

So, going into the schools again is going to be really hard! I had such dreams of being able to run my own classroom, change so many young kids' minds, help them prepare for the big, bad, scary world! It's not bad enough that I help Eluides a lot with his homework grading and cleaning his ungodly cluttered classroom. . . . (It never fails, I always leave in a pissy mood because I realize how much I want to be in the classroom), but I may be going back. . . I mean, seriously, do I love to torture myself? I guess so. . .

I'm seriously becoming lower and lower in regards to this job routine! I've never in my life had such difficulty finding a job! The first time I lived up here in NWI it was a wee bit difficult, but the Radisson pulled through and gave me two years of experience. Right now, yeah, I know the economy is sucking the life out of people, but geeze! I've had a couple good interviews that I had hoped I'd get a job with them, yet they fell through. . . and it's been a while since I've had an interview. How else am I to market myself? I'm extremely dependable, loyal, hard working, a team player, a solo player, truthful, I don't miss a lot of work (c'mon, I took ONE week off after having a 10 pound baby and returned to work!) What else can I tell these people that are interviewing me? I so love a challenge and I am not going to stop until I find the answer (hmmm, maybe I should reflect upon that in regards to this darn job hunting!)

I have had a few people ask me "Stacey, WHY do you want to return to the job market? You have a great job at home!" Firstly, I was NOT made to stay at home. Yes, I have been so blessed to be able to stay at home with my two boys, raise them, and not have to shell out bucks for child care. . .however, they are both in school full-time now and Stacey needs something to do! There is only so much cleaning (OK, shut up) one can do. And, let's face it, my student loan companies are barking at the door. . . . there's only so much time I can put 'em off! I've worked on one year, so now I only have two more to keep them at bay! I wish I could find a way to forgive those loans! UGH! Two degrees, a LOT of moola later, and I"m unemployed! They keep stating how education will take you everywhere! EVERYWHERE? Oh that must be my house, because clearly it is not taken me anywhere!

OK, enough complaining. . . . I need to go scour the job boards!